Happy Halloween (and a message from the Detective)

Nerdy Apple’s note:
When this post went viral, my whole family was affected. To say it was a crazy, surreal time would be an understatement. Before the post went viral, the Detective knew I had a blog, but didn’t read it. He didn’t even know the URL if I’m not mistaken. He didn’t need to read it. He lived it with me. When it started getting big, I called him, my mom, and my mother-in-law to tell them to read it. I felt better knowing I was the one to bring it to them, not a stranger or a reporter looking for a comment.
That post led to thousands of emails, comments, calls to my house and even family members’ homes. We were all running around like chickens with our heads’ cut off. The Detective was there. Every. Single. Step. He was supportive. He was kind. He took care of all the tedious, daily chores that needed to be done while I tried to stay on top of the whole thing. Whether I was successful at that is debatable, but he did everything right.
There were several comments that alluded to the fact that I must be a single mother, there obviously wasn’t a father figure in the picture, if there was a father around he must be weak, whipped, or clueless. I call bullshit. This man, my husband, is here. He is the strongest man I know. He is not clueless. What he is… is a father. And a damn good one.
I asked him if he would write about the ‘Daphne Debacle of ’10.” That’s the only prompt I gave.
Here is what he has to say, in his own words.

My wife and I have been married for over 13 years, and we have known each other for more than 17. My wife is a wonderful mother to our 3 beautiful children. She is my best friend and is the funniest, smartest and prettiest woman I have ever met and I am proud of her. I am not a writer. I am not computer savvy. Until recently I had never paid attention to things such as viral posts, blogs, social media, etc…
As readers of her blog, you probably know I am a police detective. I work and live in a city that I love. Between my family and job, I feel that I am a lucky man.
I was not at the school the morning that my wife dropped our son off for his Halloween costume party, and when she called me later that morning and told me what had happened, I was saddened to hear the comments were made in the presence of our son because kids listen to adults, even when you think they are not. The way we behave and speak in the presence of our children influences the children’s life, both positively and negatively.
If someone grows up in a house surrounded by hate, bias or fear, there will be a good chance that the child may grow up to be affected by those traits and emotions that came from their upbringing.
My wife documented most of our day to day events on the blog. She had been writing her blog for years, which seemed like a creative and expressive way to share pieces of her life with her family and friends, documenting our lives like a virtual scrapbook. I then had a crash course lesson in learning what a viral post was.
The majority of the emails and messages she has received from thousands of people have been positive and wonderful. One of the reasons I love my wife is that she doesn’t dwell on the few hateful messages she has received, usually spewing hate and ignorance.
I read the blog and I have read many comments that express shock that she has a police officer husband that would be ok with having a son that wore a girls Halloween costume. I don’t know why this needs an explanation, but if anyone needs one, I do not see anything wrong with a child dressing as whatever he or she wants. I do not think wearing a costume magically will make someone “turn gay”, any more than someone swimming in a lake will turn them into a fish. And on the topic of homosexuality, if any one of my children (or friends or family members…) were gay, it wouldn’t change the way I feel about them any less. Unconditional love doesn’t have a clause to it.
I love my family and I support them unconditionally.

About Sarah

Follow me on twitter for more @NerdyApple

28 Responses to Happy Halloween (and a message from the Detective)

  1. Penny December 18, 2012 at 8:58 pm #

    I was just shown your blog about the “girl costume” by a co-worker the other day because I was speaking of my son who is 7yrs old and LOVES girl toys, and to dress up like a girl. He has been this way since he was 18months old and it just came naturally to him. He loves to play with barbies and dolls. He is into Monster High dolls at this time, and likes to play dress up wearing anything that is puffy (like a hoop) and shoes that “click”. It bugs me to no end how people are so cruel and mean when it comes to kids like my son. I did not make him this way. He likes what he likes and he knows that his family is ok with it all. We do not let him drss up outside but inside it is ok. We tell him it’s because not everyone understands why he likes girl things. Yet it’s ok that my neighbor has a 11yr. old daughter who is a “jock”/ “tom-boy” and no one says ANYTHING about her. Wake up America and get a grip. It is not ok to stereotype gender toys and likes. Let kids be kids and let them be happy. That is what I can say for my son is that he is HAPPY with who he is.

  2. drjanice December 16, 2012 at 12:56 am #

    still milking it how sadfor you. desperate much

  3. josie November 28, 2012 at 1:02 pm #

    I am spilling tears all over my dang iPad. My husband is a police officer in the Midwest, too, and I have hunch he would reply similarly. Some of these Kansas Cops are just as sensitive and dedicated as any doctor, artist, or kindergarten teacher!

  4. Denise L. November 25, 2012 at 9:46 pm #

    simply wonderful!

  5. Lorin bgley November 24, 2012 at 5:11 pm #

    finally we get to hear from an amazing father who loves and adores his children and his wife. thank you so much for your loving thoughts. the ignorance of some people is truly sad to where they have to judge others because obviously they aren’t happy with themselves. They have emotionally pain inside and I guess they feel they have to project it off of themselves. Thank ou so much for having the courage to show your love and acceptance of your wife and children.

  6. Ally November 12, 2012 at 12:04 pm #

    I follow several of these blogs on families “raising their rainbows” and love them all. It’s very touching to see a parent’s unconditional love for their child. I have a special place in my heart for the dad’s that are stepping up, and speaking out. That’s probably not an easy thing to do in our society but to see you put their child’s well being above ego, or fear is a very powerful thing. I look forward to watching what these little rainbows do in the future. I think your loving, accepting families are laying the groundwork for some amazing people. You make my heart smile! :-)

  7. OHN November 7, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

    I know stealing is a crime but fair warning…I AM going to steal the line about turning into a fish. Subtle but brilliant :-)

    • Ally November 12, 2012 at 11:57 am #

      Me too! :-)

  8. Dennis November 3, 2012 at 11:57 pm #

    Does the detective have a gay brother??? I am in love with him and your entire family. I wish you all the best.

  9. auntiemip November 3, 2012 at 12:58 am #

    Wonderful! Your children have wise, loving, smart parents! I get all goose bumpy when I read about kids who grow up in loving, safe homes. All kids should have that! All kids should grow and be nurtured in homes where they are free to express themselves whether it be about their belief in God, desire to go to college, love someone of adifferent color, same gender or God forbid they should want to wear a purple dress, neon organge wig and go go boots and climb head first into the Mystery Machine! Knowing that you and Nerdy are out there raising three of our futures, well, I for one feel so much better.

    Great post, just great!

  10. Laura November 2, 2012 at 5:41 am #

    That was wonderful to read.

  11. Laurie Young November 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm #

    Your children are hugely blessed and astoundingly fortunate. I wish there were more people in the world like you.

  12. nancy (@serendopeity) October 31, 2012 at 6:10 pm #

    So if I drink too many margaritas will I become a worm or a lime??? Just askin…

    Congrats Detective!!! Don’t let them see this at the station – you will have to write all the press releases…

  13. The Maven October 31, 2012 at 4:44 pm #

    Okay, seriously you guys? I just read your post (two years later on BlogHer) and then followed the link to find this update. You are AMAZING parents. Hands down. Your son is so fortunate to grow up in a home filled with acceptance and love. We had our (very minor by comparison) situation happen around our 6yr old and nail polish. It was posted on BlogHer today, so I’ve been reading all the “related posts.” So glad I found this one. Keep on being you – and letting your son be himself :)

  14. Stef (@surgstef) October 31, 2012 at 2:14 pm #

    Bravo, Detective!

  15. Rachel October 31, 2012 at 1:50 pm #

    Wow, that was beautiful Detective! And I love the line about swimming in a lake not turning you into a fish.

  16. Støvkorn October 31, 2012 at 11:00 am #

    Hear, hear!!!

  17. sara October 31, 2012 at 10:05 am #

    Well said Detective! Your kids are lucky to have such great parents & role models! Halloween is about becoming whoever you want for a day…my darling 3 year old girl chose to be a ninja this year. She’s so excited; telling everyone she sees. They all ask her if she’ll be a pink ninja. Her response, complete with eye roll…”Why would I be pink? You can’t be sneaky in pink…”

  18. Kate (Nested) October 31, 2012 at 9:48 am #

    Well said, both of you. I have shared the original post about Boo’s Daphne costume with countless people. I went as the yellow M&m once as a child and some of the kids in my 5th grade class teased me for being a “boy” character. But my parents didn’t think anything of it, and neither had I. I am a straight woman but I am blessed with many gay friends. As your husband said, swimming in a lake does not make you a fish. Many of my gay friends dressed as firefighters and policemen and GI Joe as children. A costume doesn’t define us. A costume merely allows us to be someone else for a little while. Happy Halloween to you and your family! May it be filled with all of the joy and fun that the day can bring!

  19. Crystal October 31, 2012 at 9:40 am #

    Good on you Detective. It was nice hearing from you and you said some really beautiful things. I hope everyone enjoys Halloween and that this year’s festivities are full of acceptance and tolerance from all involved:) I also hope that some of those that were less than tolerant with last years costume learned something over the course of a year and it will be different for them this year and they can be more positive.

  20. CJ October 31, 2012 at 9:28 am #

    Such a lovely and thoughtful follow-up post! Your city is lucky to have The Detective on its side.

  21. hamptonmomof4 October 31, 2012 at 9:23 am #

    And THIS is why we love this family!

  22. gustovcarl October 31, 2012 at 8:39 am #

    Excellent. Well said, Detective.

  23. Lori Smith October 31, 2012 at 8:24 am #

    Love!!!!!! I’m pretty fond of your whole family! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Excellent job Detective!

  24. Tamara October 31, 2012 at 8:23 am #

    I call BS. He *is* a writer. So many truths, such common sense, so beautifully said. Good job, Detective. If we had more people on the planet like the two of you, we might not need detectives … Happy Halloween – and happy viral blog anniversary. I’m sure you’ve made a lot of people think over the past two years – changed some hearts along the way, and certainly have made some kids who feel different know that many of us support them. Thanks to both of you -

  25. Joey October 31, 2012 at 8:22 am #

    Well said Detective! I couldn’t agree with you more – you are a lucky man. And as you and I know, as much as the kids swam in the lake this summer they still are not fish! LOL Cheers to you and yours! Happy Halloween.

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