My rebuttals:
1. I did not write any part of this looking to garner attention. I have blogged for years, and a few friends read it. I had never had more than a handful of comments on any previous post. I am just as shocked as you are that this went viral. If I could have predicted this would go viral, I would also have advertising on my blog and possibly a high paying job at an ad agency.
2. I did not write any part of it for ‘shock value,’ ‘tweetability,’ or any other reason. I wrote it from my heart. In about 10 minutes. With my shorties running around. There was no preconceived thought as far as publicity.
3. I have a sense of humor. I did not lose it when I gave birth. I hope to never lose it. If you go back and read previous posts, please keep in mind that I am sarcastic. And can make fun of myself. Oh, and to be clear, all names are pseudonyms. I find it a little strange that is an issue, but ok. Glad we cleared that up.
4. I did not ‘out’ my son. Read the post please before accusing me of things.
5. I did not ‘exploit’ my son. I have a feeling if he’d been in a ninja costume, I wouldn’t have been accused of exploitation. If you see shame in that photo, that is in your perception. Not mine. Nor millions of others. And thousands of parents, maybe millions have pics of their children posted online. It is not exploitation.
6. I did not ruin Boo’s life. This is now woven into my family’s history. This will not be hidden or kept secret. I am proud of him. Just as I am proud of all my children and the Detective. He will hear this story for the rest of his life. And be totally bored with it by the time he’s 8. And if someone brings it up 10 years from now, it will be because a mean parent held onto it for a decade. And that’s a problem in and of itself.
7. I did not stop parenting that day. Boo will be raised to not bully, to be who he is, to be kind, to be able to handle himself in all kinds of situations. He is a strong child. He will be a strong adult.
8. The Detective is alive and kicking. And in the picture. And completely supportive of Boo, his other children, and me. He is a kickass father. And if he’s not working overtime, he’s here at home parenting along with me. And what sort of preconceived notions are out there about single mothers? That freaks me out a bit too.
9. I did not ‘force’ Boo to go into the preschool when he had reservations. I knelt in front of him, asked him if this was what he wanted to do, and when he answered yes, I told him we’d walk in together. And we walked in, hands held, heads high. There was no coercion. I didn’t diminish his worries. I also didn’t blow them out of proportion. When a child gets worried on the way to the doctor’s office, you don’t turn around and go home. You talk about it. You work through it. You parent.
10. I did not ‘use’ my son to push an agenda. I have no agenda. Ok, that is not entirely true, but it looks more like a cluttered family calendar with meetings and book clubs and practices.
11. I do not hate Moms ABC. I do not harbor ill will on them. Those moments should not define their lives, just as their words shouldn’t define Boo’s.
12. I do not hate Christians or Christian schools. My Boo’s teachers are some of the most amazing women I have known. His school director is incredible.
13. I didn’t edit comments, including negative. At first, I was having to moderate comments which took a while. Then I switched to letting them all go through. WordPress uses a spam filter called Akismet. It weeded out ones that may have been spam. I went through and approved all that weren’t obviously spam. So if it was typed, it should be up there somewhere.
14. I haven’t read all the comments. Or the emails. I’m working on it, but it may take a while. Ya’ll had a lot to say. But I’m still, you know, parenting, so I have other things to be doing.
15. I do not accept the analogy of letting Boo wear a costume on Halloween with not having any rules/boundaries. My friend, Clean Freak, has commented to me that I am stricter than a lot of other moms she knows. We use manners. We have schedules. We have timeouts. The Detective and I have rules and boundaries for our family. But we don’t dictate personality. That is not our job.
16. I am disheartened by some of the comments that are calling my son names. That is very small.
17. I am intolerant of bullying and the cycle of bullying. And children learn at home and at school. I don’t want me children to be bullied or to be bullies. I will do what I can in my small corner of the world to stop that cycle when I can.
18. I am not naive. Nor am I stupid, a bad mother, a child abuser, media whore, man-hater, etc. I am a mom. And I am doing the best I can for those I can. You may choose to disagree, but I promise you my children know they are loved and supported. And they know I will stand up for them or stand by them. Whatever they need.
19. As far as I can tell, a lot of the negative has been based on assumptions. People assume I made Boo walk in there. People assume I planned on this going viral. People assume the Detective isn’t around or is embarrassed. People assume a lot of things. And you know what they say about that… However, I haven’t been able to find any emails asking me for clarification. Or to expand upon anything. So please, if you have a question, ask me before you answer for me.
20. And lastly, I am awed and amazed and touched and verklempt that this has all happened. I am almost at a loss for words. ;) Really though I cannot ever express in any sort of eloquent way how much the support has meant to me. It really kept me going these last couple of weeks.
Thank you again.
You’re an amazing woman. Thanks for being such a wonderful mom and for standing up for your son and for your decision to be a supportive and open-minded mom.
I have great hope that future generations will be raised with less prejudice and more love for everyone. Thanks for making that happen.
Just another parent who thinks you have priorities straight. Lil Boo knows he is loved and that is a big deal to me. I wonder how many bullies really know they are loved. I bet not many of them do.
Good for you! My kids dress up in play clothes all of the time – my son and daughter both love to put on my noisy high heeled shoes, and, my son loves to wear his sister’s play jewellery or her princess costumes. I think that your parenting philosophy is terrific and I parent in a similar way. I am dismayed at the reaction of the others “moms” and your pastor.
I think you are great. Will definitely come back and read your blog from time to time :)
good for you on every point. I wish more moms and people were like you and I am one mom who is trying to raise my kids pretty much the same way that you are.
I wish more mothers (and fathers… people in general) were like you in these situations! Not only are we supposed to be accepting as Christians, but we should be about to respect others choices as Americans. We have every right to do what we want, and no one should dictate what is right for your kids but yourself!
Also, I remember whenever my best friend and I would play dress up, her little brother (who was about 4 at the time) always asked to play with us, he’d wear this yellow dress that was my friend’s a long time ago. He’s now a preteen, and he loves making Star Wars guns, lightsabers, etc. I guess my point is, that your son wanting to be Daphne shouldn’t be taken so seriously. Kids want to have fun, so we should let them. And not get preoccupied by the things others might say.
*able, not about.
Wow, it saddens me that people – presumably adults – would resort to name-calling and vitriol, especially on a post concerning a 5 year old child.
If that is how they behave, I dread to think how they parent their children.
You’re doing a great job, you’re the kind of mum I aspire to be :)
Cops Wife,
I was directed to your Daphne post from my local news website (http://apps.detnews.com/apps/blogs/askthepediatrician/index.php, Nov.14 post). I have read only your rant and your rebuttal. I have not read comments from either, because I know we live in a nation full of ignorance and malice.
I know you may not feel extraordinary, but the way you handled this situation, at least in what you’ve blogged, is a testament to how an ordinary person can stand out when they stand tall. Don’t change a thing.
You’ve earned a permanent spot in my bookmarks. You may or may not read this, but I think I can appreciate a person who can speak his/her mind in order to be more true to him/herself, and still wear his/her sarcasm hat with style, more than your average bear, so I’m posting it anyway. Have a super, duper day.
What Rosemary said. You rock. The world is a better place because of you, how you parent, and how you write.
Hi. I believe if more americans will think the way you do then this country will have a lot less problems…
Congrats!
I thought it was adorable. I don’t want to know anyone who thinks it was a bad thing, because all they are is idiotic and insecure.
Like Jana, above, I hope that I can emulate many of your parenting tendencies when I become a mom too. At the top of the list are acceptance, courage and (perhaps most importantly right now) conviction. I think that’s a tough thing to have when everyone is so ready to criticize everyone else’s parenting.
I’d also like to compliment you on your use of the word verklempt! Not a word you see thrown around every day!
You rock and Boo rocks. And it’s great to hear from the Real America (which, unfortunately, includes a few intolerant and too vocal adult-children whose moms weren’t nearly as awesome as you.
You are my new hero and I want to know this — where can I get a Boo’s Mom costume for Halloween next year? And will it include an orange wig?
You are a wonderful and loving mother. I wish my mother cared and supported me half as much! You are a great role model for mother and fathers everywhere.
“7. I did not stop parenting that day. Boo will be raised to not bully, to be who he is, to be kind, to be able to handle himself in all kinds of situations. He is a strong child. He will be a strong adult.”
Fantastic!!!!!! I am a bit late on coming across this and my first thought was, cool, he chose and you as parents were awesome to let him dress up as he chooses. I do the same and I growing up there was always some boy or another that dressed up as a girl for Halloween, it is fun and why not. Aside from that does it matter, no not really, he is a happy healthy boy and I agree he will be a strong adult with awesome parents like you.
I wish you well and wish I was better at putting into words how great it is to see parents trusting their children. I find it interesting that this is the big hype when we have children harming one another and parents harming children, teens having babies and boy I could go on and on and this is what gets everyone all riled up, kind of funny isn’t it?
Again kudos to you and your husband more parents like you who just genuinely love their children for who they are and nurture and support them as they grow up are what are needed in this world.
Very inspiring =)
Very nice post! You write really well.
Vanessa Rima
http://www.fashionissima.com