Anyone want a 3 year old boy?

Sure, he looks super cute and his laugh melts hearts, but he’s turned into a bit of a… how shall I put it? Asshole.

He is in the thick of potty training and seems to hold it until he can pee all over something I really don’t want him to pee all over.

He screams “Goddamn!” while running amok through stores.

He runs into traffic giggling diabolically.

He gets out of his room a hundred times a night.

He tells the Detective that he doesn’t love him.

He’s added “What the hell?” to his list of things he says that are totally inappropriate.

He hides silently in the middle of clothing racks until we truly begin to thinks he’s been abducted.

He pours water out of the bathtub.

He steps into the toilet.

He dumps every single piece out of every single board game and puzzle that we own. Then stirs.

He unbuckles his car seat while we are driving.

He dumps out a Costco bag of Cheerios all over the house, tiny dust and all.

He tries to flush half a roll of toilet paper and giggles when it overflows.

He tries to clean up a poopy accident that results in just smearing it into several places in the carpet.

He does not follow any instructions. None.

He doesn’t like to get dressed. Or wear anything from the waist down.

About Sarah

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389 Responses to Anyone want a 3 year old boy?

  1. Jared November 4, 2010 at 11:59 am #

    SO. DANG. FUNNY!

  2. Chirstina November 4, 2010 at 11:49 am #

    and if you call your child negative names, they will turn out that way. In my opinion if the child cannot say the word without getting in trouble, they shouldnt be called it.

  3. Chirstina November 4, 2010 at 11:48 am #

    I agree with the lack of discipline on your part. My kids were the same way at one point and I had my mother give me some tough love and tell me that it was mostly mine and my husband’s fault for not being consistant with the discipline. I have a 6, 4, and 3 year old. I am not saying my children are perfect, just disciplined for the most part.

  4. Mari November 4, 2010 at 11:33 am #

    Well clearly he lacks much needed discipline… I mean, you can’t entirely blame the three year old kid.

  5. Josie November 4, 2010 at 11:33 am #

    Ohmigosh. I just found your blog from a facebook post about the daphne costume. Love it, love you, and love that I’m not the only one who calls their 3yo bad words behind their back. Mines of the female persuasion, but just as challenging.

  6. Lisa Caroline November 4, 2010 at 11:30 am #

    My mother always said, “little boys are little monsters”. After becoming a step-mother to two of them, I now know what she meant by that, and sounds like you do too. And the ‘not wearing anything from the waist down’ problem… well, that may not change even in adulthood. My fiance loves to let his jigglys bounce freely when we are alone in the house and never, and I mean never, misses an opportunity for it. Also, look at all the cartoon characters he has as role models! Winnie The Pooh… shirt and no pants… same for Piglet. Seems to be a recurring theme with cartoon characters to have on shirts but no pants. I never got the logic behind that.

  7. Krista November 4, 2010 at 9:51 am #

    LOL!!! “How shall I put it? Asshole” Best line I have ever read about a 3 years old’s behavior. I am also struggling with my 3 year old and his ridiculous behavior, I will definitely be reading more of your blog.

    Best of luck!

  8. Samantha November 4, 2010 at 9:44 am #

    Been there, done that. My stepson once announced to everyone in Target that it was f*cking cold out. Everyone tells you twos are bad, but three is a million times worse.

  9. Elanor November 4, 2010 at 9:40 am #

    Oh god. This list encompasses every reason why I never want to be a parent O_O

  10. Lexi November 4, 2010 at 9:38 am #

    So its not only mine? I have an 8yr old son who’s pretty much still doing most of these things (he’s autistic) except for the potty training (Was so happy when that was over with!). I know how you feel.

  11. kwbrand November 4, 2010 at 9:34 am #

    Hah hah! Love this post. This is the kind of thing that will make you laugh later (at least that’s what I tell myself as I’m in the thick of it too).

    And MzWms: A spanking? Seriously? This kind of behavior is annoying, hilarious and makes us drink more, but I’m pretty sure that saying: “Mom loves you and your behavior is inappropriate…” and then driving the message home with a good smacking isn’t the way to do it. That type of parenting logic never made sense to me.

  12. terbear November 4, 2010 at 2:54 am #

    I think I have his twin here with me, every thing you have mentioned, is the same thing my 1 yr old does, and he WILL NOT potty break either. Problem is, mine is a monkey. A Rhesus Macaque.
    Good luck! I raised 4, and now started on grand kids.. and this un-trainable monkey!!!

  13. Kimberly Fleury November 4, 2010 at 12:26 am #

    Ah, the Power of Potty Training! or Austism Spectrum Disorder, or both. Go with the Potty Training theory first. It’s a battle of wills. He is learning — no, he KNOWS he has control! just not a lot of it. So he controls what he can.

    While working with emotionally impaired children of all ages, I learned that the most successful approach is to target one specific behavior. My guess is that potty training is at the core of this one, so focus on that (but don’t grin & bear it when he does other shtuff, just don’t *focus* on it).

    Find out what he likes, and give it to him when he successfully uses the potty. Food is ok, but other things are much better — 5 or 10 minutes with a certain favorite toy that is otherwise off limits, for example.

    It’s a LOT of work for the adult. You have to be willing to drop your life to devote yourself to making sure the item is off limits until the goal is achieved, every time it is achieved. But it soon passes in the scale of time.

    If that doesn’t work, look into other positive approaches until you find what means something to him.

    And if that doesn’t work, discuss a variety of evaluations with your pediatrician — first, believe it or not, A FULL SPECTRUM HEARING TEST! Not the simple “beep” test, it’s not fine-tuned enough to detect damage from fluid in the ears.

    If that comes out normal, then request an evaluation for Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADD– those are some common behaviors, BUT NOT EXCLUSIVE to ASD or ADD. If you’re in the U.S., Special Ed laws cover the cost of testing if that’s an issue.

    No matter what the cause, spanking will most likely make the fight more fierce. (Who wouldn’t be angry at someone who hits them?)

    No matter what, don’t freak out or panic. Take it one step at a time. My money is on the Power of the Potty theory.

  14. MzWms November 3, 2010 at 11:03 pm #

    Uhh, as far as the behavior goes…he needs a spanking, and dont give him one one time that his misbehaves….you must be consistent so he know’s you mean business…as far as the swearing…he needs to be disciplined for that as well. You do have to remember that he didnt make these words up he got them from somewhere…parents, tv, babysitter etc….pay attention…you kid(s) are watching/listening to everything you do/say.

    good luck!

  15. Mike November 3, 2010 at 10:39 pm #

    hahaha awww parenthood.

  16. Stephanie November 3, 2010 at 10:24 pm #

    Thanks for making me laugh and realize that my kid’s not the only one. I feel so much better now, you have no idea.

  17. Rachel November 3, 2010 at 9:52 pm #

    ROTFL! I couldn’t help but post on this! My son does the same things!! We seem to have finally gotten the potty training down, about 99% of the time, but everything else… I’m right there with you!! Our select phrases are “Damnit Dog!” and “Stupid Animal”, the latter being the newest of phrases, the first on a rare occasion, I think we nipped that one. The best way I’ve found to keep him with me at the grocery store is to lug his huge Little Tykes shopping cart with us, everybody kinda giggles at you, but whatever works! He loves it! The phrases…I just tell him “we don’t say those kinds of words” (which is bad, cuz we ALLLLLLL know where they get phrases from). His big thing now is anger issues and I have no idea what to do. He clinches his teeth and will lash out at anybody, his sister, the dog, mom, dad…. We’re trying! I have no idea how we all survived toddlerhood!!

    God Bless you Mama!!

  18. lisa p November 3, 2010 at 9:21 pm #

    We could trade? I have a 3-year old girl that sounds remarkably like him. Maybe we each take turns taking BOTH of them (maybe they’d annoy each other into submission?) I’m tired…

  19. Ashlee November 3, 2010 at 8:54 pm #

    Sounds like u need to learn to discipline your child. My mother had four boys and they collectively did all of those things, and they did it ONCE.

  20. Christine November 3, 2010 at 8:28 pm #

    OMG, This is my 3 year old. Twins separated at birth?

  21. Leisl November 3, 2010 at 5:41 pm #

    I have my own 3 year old boy that I would like to trade in some days. At least now that he has gotten past the half year I am starting to see the sweet little boy that he is becoming.

  22. Sonya November 3, 2010 at 5:13 pm #

    This doesn’t make me think your kid is an asshole, but it’s rather convinced me that assholes act like 3-year-old boys! :D

    • Weasel November 4, 2010 at 1:11 pm #

      Sonya, you win this thread for that comment. LOL!

      As for the “not wearing anything below the waist” thing: he’s a boy. They don’t grow out of that.

  23. molly July 26, 2010 at 5:36 pm #

    boys are perfection.

  24. Ashley July 26, 2010 at 12:22 pm #

    Darn, my 3 year old is just turning into that or I’d totally help you out!

  25. Niki July 26, 2010 at 7:34 am #

    Nope. Not interested. Sounds adorable though, thanks for the offer!

    (BTW at what age does this shit ensue? I am bracing myself for hurricane Cohen!!)

    • alyssa November 3, 2010 at 8:58 pm #

      sounds like to me hes a normal 3 year old pushin to see what he can get away with maybe the parents need to learn how to teach him right from wrong

      • Mar November 4, 2010 at 12:31 pm #

        I think you (the parent) are responsible. Your child shouldnt even know words like that. Geesh.

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